The Highlight Reel....

You know those days when this happens????

Well, this has been one of those weeks for me. I can't seem to shake the "Highlight Reel Insecurities."

Facebook is bad for encouraging this, and there are days where I don't even peek because I know it's going to effect me for the negative. Now, granted I am a little hormonally unstable today, but still, this bothers me when I don't have the inner strength to self council my way through the mud.

Right now I am struggling to lose even a pound. My soggy, dandelion infested yard looks like an overgrown jungle.

My hanging baskets sit empty.

The veggie transplants in the sun room sit there growing to big for their little pots. 4 lovely raised garden beds are void of anything but soil and manure. My cookie jar is empty.

Jody and I were both fighting colds and busy schedules when he was home this time, and so I sent him back to work yesterday feeling like we had no time to just sit and stare at each other. MENN just want it to be summer break, and quite frankly so do I. This currently is how I feel.

As the craziness of the day took over, and MEN (Nolan was home sick) each hollered "Love you Mom!" as they were piling out of the van at school, why did I fight tears? When I popped into facebook quickly to answer a PM, why did I fight tears again? Walking past a full length mirror just about sent me over the edge.... A song, I tear up. A sink full of dishes, I sigh.

 

 

Some days just feel like a "life in the trenches kind of day". Today is one of those days.

I guess I'm sharing all of this because I have these days too. Days that I can't wait to crawl into bed. Days where I wonder if this is all there is. Tomorrow will feel better. I know this. As I plug through the list of chores, things start to feel more manageable. In 45 minutes I will take some time to put on my "game face" and get ready for the after school rush. I have to.

So, as I sit here typing this, watching Timber track yet another set of paw prints across the floor,

but knowing I have the blessing of a bed with clean sheets waiting for me tonight,

I will remember a wonderful question my husband asks me almost daily,

That we all have these days, and to be mindful in the future to be

 "Highlight Real".

Not just:

"Highlight Reel".

Homesick

Today I am homesick. Now part of it is due to this beautiful video that Dylan Miles put together;

http://youtu.be/Bb1V4vhsRYI

But, some days are just going to be hard no matter what. It started a bit last night when it started to rain at soccer. Our family loves rain. Now, back home in Sointula it could get to be a bit much by the 10th day in a row, but for the most part now, we miss it. When rain starts, my MENN run outside in as little clothing as possible to experience it to the fullest.

Last night it started to rain. Now I don't mean Sointula rain, I mean more of a "spit". The funny thing was, Ethan, Nolan, Nathan and I, turned our faces upward, and with big goofy smiles, just stood there enjoying the feel and smell. The other players and parents put up hoods, sat under the bleachers, or re-treated to their vehicles. Not us Wet Coasters! We were all in!

It reminded me of a soccer game 5 years ago when Ethan played U10. It was POURING! And I mean pouring! The fields were soaked, kids were miserable, the teenage ref wanted to call the game, and there was not a parent to be seen. Except me and one other Dad. There we stood in our Wellies and rain coats. Alone. The other parents had gone to wait it out in their vehicles and honk in appreciation to the kids efforts. Now I'm not critizing here! Honest, if you stick with me you'll understand.

The Dad looked at me and said;

"You're going to stick it out are you?"

Me; "Yep. I've always told my boys that I would never make them play in weather I wasn't willing to stand in with them." Said with a soggy, wet smile.

Then he asked;

"Where are you from?"

Me: "The west coast. You?"

Him; "Scotland!"

We had a good chuckle about our water logged history, finished watching the game, and took our soggy kids home.

The part I find amusing is that when our boys were attending Bashaw School, it was always so odd to us how there would be a row of vehicles dropping off kids on rainy days and teachers calling inside recesses, and yet my boys would trudge up the hill in the rain, and want to have outside recess. Then, you'd have me driving my boys to school on days where it was -20 and wondering how the heck they were supposed to play outside in THAT? But, all the little Albertans would be bundled up to the eye slits, walking to school and playing in the snow banks! This has amused my poor family for years! Even Nathan and Nolan, who have spent more years here in Bashaw then in Sointula, are still wired for coastal weather.

So, yes. Today I am homesick. Homesick for flowers, soggy green grass, mountains, rivers, fresh salty air, and the comfort of a walk through the woods, or along the beach. I miss seeing my little MENN bundled up in puddle suits and rain boots. I miss the familiar sound of rain pounding on the roof. I miss hanging soggy jackets by the crackling wood stove to dry. Most of all though? I just miss home and all the precious memories and people that are attached to it's loveliness. 

                                    

Courage Through The Pain

A couple months ago I found this on facebook...




For some reason this really hit home to me. I think in analogies quite often and this described faith perfectly to me. Faith doesn't take away the pain. It's helps you deal with it. I feel the same about courage.

As I continue to watch my MENN grow up, I am continually reminded how often they need to push down the pain or discomfort and dig deep for their courage. This week I was shown again.

2 years ago Ethan broke his leg quite badly playing soccer. Last spring he wasn't quite ready to get back onto the field, and I was right there with him. The thought of him out there didn't agree with me either. He worked hard though, swimming and playing other sports, and managed to build his muscle back up, but he ended up missing two seasons worth of soccer skills. This made him nervous. This year he decided he wanted to play again and was put on a team with a great group of boys. However, quite a few of the boys on his team played indoor soccer all winter, and they all are used to working together and relying on each other. Again with the nerves. Every day after soccer practice he would tell me that he felt like he didn't fit in, and that he was worried he'd let his team down. He also admitted to me that he was now afraid of the ball, and afraid to fight for it.....I didn't blame him. So, I would listen to him vent, validate how he was feeling, and then encourage him to try to push past the fear a little bit more every practice. Saturday it payed off. Saturday he played his first game, and it was also part of a tournament.

At first I could tell he was nervous. The ball would come to him, and he would just get rid of it. Then came the moment. He was about 15 feet away from where I was sitting and the ball came to him. He looked about to panic and send it off when I called out;

"You've got time!"

With that, his head came up, he settled the ball, got around the player coming at him, and as he headed up field with the ball, heard one of his team members (who was bookin' it up the field) yell;

"Send it!"

He sent the ball flying to the player who called for it. My boy was back in the game! I'm not gonna lie, I teared up a bit. He had momentarily faced his giant, and won. Confidence was restored. However, with every forward movement there is a set back, and he fought his lack of confidence through the entire tournament. In the end, he had assisted his team all the way to win gold, and he could clearly see what he needed to improve, and where he was an asset. Also, when all was said and done, he came to me and said;

"Mom, I also made a few new friends today!"

Nathan's was also through soccer. One day in the kitchen, Nathan expressed to me that he knew he was a bit of a poor sport when it came to losing. I thought it was because he was the youngest and could rarely beat the older 3 boys in anything. He set me straight. He explained that every year he has played soccer, he's been on a winning team. He's never really learnt how to lose at a sport graciously. This intrigued me, but instead of flogging the topic, I let it drop. Last week he had his first soccer practice and I watched as dread spread over his face. He had been placed on a team with a lot of first time players, and to make things worse, his coach was female... :) This worries him, and makes me smile. However, again, I bit my tongue! So, after practice last Wednesday, Nathan and I were walking across the field, when he dropped his giant on me. He had waited until we were out of ear shot of his coach and other players and said to me;

"Mom, remember how I said I struggled with being a poor sport? Well, I think this year I'm gonna learn that lesson."

I have to admit, as hard as it will be to watch, I kind of hope he does... :)

Nolan's was a bit different. It happened on Saturday during a 3 KM race he ran called Ole's Spring Run Off. He was super pumped to be running this race with his Triathlon club and was in a great mood to start the morning. We arrived at the park location, and as the music blasted and people arrived, you could feel the energy building. As the warm up started and Nolan was getting ready, he looked at me and said;

"I'm glad you haven't given me the 'It's OK to run until you feel like puking!' speech."

I laughed at him and told him to just go have fun, and no matter what, I was super proud of him. He gave me a hug and off he went. When the run started, I ran around to different check points taking photos of him and cheering him on. When he came rippin' across the finish line he came straight to me and said;

"My legs are burning and I feel like puking! But that was so fun!"

Ummmm....OK. I'm sorry, but seriously? Who is his real Mom?? Anyway! I was so proud of him for pushing himself. Then he said;

"I like this way better then cross country even!"

That spoke volumes because the boy LOVES Cross Country.

He was pumped! Out of 62 competitors he placed 12th overall. Out of his age group, he placed 4th. The best part of the day though was when he came to me with a huge smile and said;

"I don't even care about where I placed! I just wanna run!"

Bless his heart!