Tuesday, 11 June 2013

Explosions and Forgiveness.

I lost my mind. Again. Sigh.... Right there on the side of Highway 21, I snapped. At precisely 8:26 AM.  I know this because I had just checked the clock to see exactly how late we were going to be. Now I don't mean a small, little moment of much needed correction, here. I mean the full, slam on the brakes, pull off to the side of the road, hazard lights on... (safety first!) sunglasses flung onto the dashboard, kinda crazy! Right around the time I hollered; (It was probably more of a freakish bellow... :/ )

"I'm freaking tired too!"

I'm pretty sure some spit even flew. Sigh.... I had 3 sets of very big blue eyes and 1 set of wide hazel eyes starring at me like I was nuts as I ranted for a good 4 minutes. And you know what? I was. Pretty sure this is what I looked like.

Now, I'm not saying that the heart of the matter wasn't needing some attention here, but I know it wasn't all the boys fault. I had allowed a couple things to get under my skin, and then with scholastic deadlines looming, missing socks every morning, water bottles laying around empty instead of full in backpacks, and some fatigue, I was a train wreck waiting to happen. All it took was one emotionless;
And I was one done Mommy. Done. My throat still hurts from yelling. You know what the worst part is? I had semi-lost my cool earlier in the morning over an over-due assignment, raised my voice over laundry not being put away, then read this over my morning green tea...
After that, I still lost my mind. You know what though? I hadn't taken my devotional time, hadn't given my day to God yet, hadn't prayed yet. I hadn't asked for extra energy, love and patience. I had read, and moved on. That was my biggest mistake.
So, now that I've calmed down, got everything said, and more, that needed to be said, where do I take this? Well, I guess we just have to move on, cover the morning with grace, and salvage what's left of the day. I will have to de-brief MENN when they get home from school, apologize for my over the top delivery method, and ask them each to forgive my temper. And you know what? They will. They're really cool kids, like that.
I did RE-learn something in all of this though. I need to speak up sooner. Whether it's listening to someone else's burden (even in bad timing) without picking it up, asking the boys to pitch in a bit more instead of waiting for them to offer, saying no to others so that I can take the time to organize my own home, or just plain old saying No. I need to speak up sooner so that the train wreck doesn't happen, and so I can go back to looking like this.
Ok, Ok...who am I kidding. Go back to looking like this... :)

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